What About Tom?
This is the first published prose I ever wrote, circa 2009, on the Animal Crossing fansite Animal Crossing Community. It's also objectively the best - I don't know if I'll ever surpass it in any way. All material here is presented in its original form, completely unchanged. Prologue Tom stared out the window. Today was he day he would go fishing with his friend Moe! He jumped out the window and... He broke his foot. His mom was calling him! Uh-oh. "Tom?" "Yes mother?" "Come to eat breakfast!" "Fiiiiine..." Tom limped in. He was ticked off. But on the table he found the greatest gift of all. A... cup. A bejeweled cup. He ate his cereal and played with the cup. "You lousy thing." But the cup was NOT lousy. It had a mind of its own, and a sinister one!!! Mwahahahahahahahaha!!! Chapter 1 Tom was mad at the cup. He did not like cups, even if they had jewels and that shiny stuff. He decided to go to his friend Bob's house. "Hey Tom!" "Hey." "wassup?" "I got a cup and its lame" "Too bad" Tom and Bob played a little of the game Super Paper Mario and ate lunch. But then he saw the cup! It was staring at him! "How can that even HAPPEN???" "What?" "A cup is stalking me." "Scary." Tom went back to his house and saw his annoying sister Rosie. "Rosie, get off my bed." "No!" Tom pushed her off. "Rosie, i need your help." "What?" "A cup is stalking me." "Creeeeeepy." "Yeah, it is creepy. I'm gonna get a juice pouch." Chapter 2 Tom got a juice pouch. Then the doorbell rang. "Who is it?" It was Tom's girlfriend Mitzi. They were going to go to the Cheesecake Warehouse. "Hey Tom! Ready to go to the Warehouse?" "Yeah, yeah. Let's go." They drove to the Warehouse but were interrupted by Rosie. "Hey Tom-tom!" "Rosie, I'm on a date." "Oh, sorry." Tom and his girlfriend went inside the Warehouse. They ordered a large Sandwich to split and some Coke. The coke was served in-- "CUP!?!" "Tom, what is it?" "A cup is stalking me." Tom threw the Cup out the window. He talked to the owner of the restaurant, Savannah. "Hey Savannah." "Hi Tom." "Can you get rid of this Cup?" "Sure." "Okay." Savannah went outside and buried the cup under a rock. Meanwhile, Tom and Mitzi drove away. Tom went to bed and hoped to never see the Cup again. Chapter 3 Tom was in his bed eating cake but then he heard a knock. "Who is it?" "Rosie." "Go away!" "No!" Tom opened the door and slammed it again but it was jammed on... ___. "You little..." Tom did not like that the ___ was stalking him. He went to the fish store. Tom bought a sea bass. "Why did i but this anyway???" Tom went back to his house and found Rosie in his bed. "Rosie, get OFF!" "Only if you let me help you get rid of the ___!" "Fine, I'll get rid of the ___!" Tom and Rosie got brooms and went into the basement. There they saw... CLIFFHANGER!!! And it's not the ___ that they saw! Chapter 4 It was the nerd Jeremiah. And he was eating popcorn!!! "Jeremiah!!! OUT!!!" "Neeerrrrrrr..." "Tom, where is the ___?" "Rosie, I don't know, but Jeremiah is going to get out or else I'll pound him" "Okay, I'll get out" Tom and Rosie kept on exploring the dark spooky basement. They heard a noise that sounded like a fart. "Tom, did you fart?" "No! Why would i fart? I would scare away the ___!" They followed the weird farting noise and saw... The ___!!!!! "CUP???!!!" "Can cups even FART???" "Last time I checked, No." The cup scurried into a little hole. Tom couldn't fit, so he asked Rosie. "Rosie, can you go into the hole?" "If I can fit." "You can fit! Go in there!" Tom brought out his WIN-tendo SD and played Super Maria Sisters. "AAAAAGH!!!" "Rosie, what is it???" "I got a SPLINTER!!!" "Don't be silly. Keep going." "KK." Chapter 5 Tom was still playing his SD. He heard a noise like a high-pitched squeak. "Great. Now Fred Figglehorn, a cup AND Jeremiah are stalking me." "Hey, it's Fred! And I was on iCarly last night!" "Am I hearing things? Where's Rosie?" "I'm About 1000 feet into the hole!" "Try and find that Cup, okay?" "I'll try." Tom tripped, fell and broke his SD. "Darn." Now he was VERY bored. He wandered around until he heard two voices talking. One sounded like Jeremiah's and the other was robotic-sounding. "When will we do this? Nerrrrrrrr?" "I DON'T KNOW." "But What About Tom?" "I DON'T KNOW!!! STOP ASKING ME THIS JUNK!!!" Who were the two voices? That's exactly what Tom wanted to know. So, he wandered inside the hole. "ROSIE??? I'M BEHIND YOU!" "Good. I want to know who the voices are coming from." So do we! Chapter 6 "Where's the cup? Rosie?" "I'm right here, Tom!" "Good. We can keep searching." Tom and Rosie went deeper and deeper into the hole. Then they heard the voices again... "WHERE ARE THEY?" "Nerrrrrr. They arrrrrre right behiiiiiind ussssssss." "JEREMIAH WILL YOU STOP ELONGATING WORDS???" "Fiiiiiiiine." Then, Tom and Rosie saw a light. They were then in a bright secret lab. "Tom, what is this place?" "Keep quiet. There might be someone here." "Okay." They saw a Styrofoam cup. It looked boring and bland and just like a normal Cup. Except for the face... "Wait! A face?" "YES. YOU FELL FOR MY LITTLE TRICK, EH???" "The cup can TALK?" "OF COURSE I CAN!!! JEREMIAH, GET OUT HERE!!!" Jeremiah came out and trapped Tom and Rosie in a rope while the Cup laughed evilly... Chapter 7 (Editor's Note, 1/11/2018: thanks to some constructive criticism courtesy of Meerkatlover404, this story becomes a lot more organized starting this chapter) The Cup was obviously evil. Tom tried to get out of the rope but it wouldn't budge. The Cup kept on laughing. "Will you stop that? It's annoying!" But the Cup did not stop. Rosie was upset and she started to cry. "WAAAH! I DON"T LIKE EVIL CUPS!!! I DON'T LIKE CUPS AT ALL!!! WAAAAAH!!!" Tom wanted to cry too, but he was 17. 17 year olds don't cry, thought Tom. He opened up his cell phone and texted his pal Moe. "Moe? Are you there?" "BOOOOOOP" Tom closed the phone. So much for that idea, he thought. So he hopped. Then, him and Rosie fell onto the floor and Rosie cracked her head. Tom and Rosie quickly and quietly scuffled away. Later, an exhausted Tom and Rosie went into the house and started to watch Flake and Gosh. But the doorbell rang. "I'll get it!" said Tom. He opened up the door and saw a horrible sight. There was the Cup, and it looked mad. Chapter 8 The cup chased Tom and Rosie into Tom's room. Tom and Rosie jumped out the window to get away from the evil cup. But the window was locked! "Tom, the window is locked! Now we can't get away from the Cup!" "Rosie, that's obvious. We'll just have to tell Mom." Tom and Rosie told their mother Merry. "Mom! Mom! A cup is stalking us!" "Oh don't be silly. Now, it's past your bedtime. Go to sleep!" Tom and Rosie got mad. So they sneaked out into the night to Bob's house away from the Cup. Bob was inside playing his Win-tendo SDi. "Bob! Bob! The cup is on the loose!" "Okay, okay. But don't disturb Lolly, she's sleeping. Now where's the cup?" "In the house hiding in the kitchen sink." Bob, Rosie and Tom went back to Tom's house. They went into the kitchen and looked into the sink. But the cup wasn't there. Chapter 9 Okay. Since you all know what's going to happen (Bob, Rosie and Tom will begin a wild goose chase to find the Cup blah blah blah...) it would be pointless for me to tell you. So... I guess I'll tell you about something more exciting. I'm going to tell you about the origin of the Cup. The cup began to become evil when it was made in the factory of Cups, Inc. The worker Rasher was an obese, cruel pig who didn't care about anything except himself. He made a special gold Cup for him to drink out of. But when he got home, his weird son Hugh drew a face on the gold cup. But the marker he used was magic. Instantly after Rasher and Hugh fell asleep, the Cup came to life. It decided to take its magic against the cruel Rasher. But it backfired right when the Cup snuck into its room. The cup turned evil! So then it wandered around until it saw a house. And that was Tom's house... Chapter 10 The cup was in the city, shopping at Abercruddy and Finch. It wanted jeans, but it was mad at Tom at the same time. Suddenly, Tom, Bob and Rosie burst in the door! "Have you seen a Cup?" "About this tall, gold, with a face?" "Why would a Cup shop at Abercruddy and Finch?" "Don't ask me!" The cup scurried out. It went to the store next to Abercruddy, Radio Hack. The cup was a hacker. It said to the cashier, "Can I have a helmet please?" But to the cashier, it sounded like "wfkegfksewgfuvfbwuijfdwkfbgsekfgi" The cup stole the helmet and walked away. What was the helmet for? Brain washing. His first victim was Spike. Spike was perfect. He wasn't nerdy like Jeremiah, and he wasn't slow like Tortimer (who he'd tried to hire, but he just said "Get away from me you Cup!"). Spike was tough. Spike could... Chapter 11 ...do ballet. The cup loved Ballet! He came up to Spike and said, "Excuse me Spi--" "Whaddya want punk?' "I-i-i-i-i heard you could do ballet really well. May you please teach me?" "No way, punk." 3 minutes later, an extremely beaten-up Cup limped out of the store. Oh, there was Tom and the gang! Wait a sec... shopping at American Barf Outfitters? The cup ran to them and started screaming his head off. "Wow, that cup sure looks mad." "No! Really?" "Very funny. Now where's Rosie? Wait a sec..." Rosie was smoochin' a cardboard standee of Hack Efron in the RadioHack shop. "ROSIE!" The cup kept yelling. It didn't realize that the gang was already gone. Chapter 12 The gang continued into Spherebuster Video. Rosie wanted to buy a video of 117 Again but it wasn't there. She bumped into Ron, the Animal Rent-a-cop. "Whaddya want, punk?" "Um-um-um... excuse me... is there 117 Again in the store?" "Go ask Stu, the co worker." Rosie bumped into a very obese bovine with a large snout. She was only up to his arms. "Are you Stu?" "Pronounce it like Stoooooo. Now where's the cup?" "You know too?" Rosie and Stooooo kept on talking, while Bob and Tom tiptoed out of the store. "Do you think we lost my freakwad sister?" "Yep. She's still talking to the fat cow. Let's hunt down the--" Bob and Tom bumped into 110 cups. Wait---? 110 cups? Chapter 13 Tom screamed. Bob screamed. Even Ron, the rent-a-cop screamed. One cup said, "Your reign of cats is almost over." Another said, "We must banish you to the Forgotten Realm." Bob said "The who-wha? Anyway, I know you Cups are saying this because you're insecure, but that doesn't mean that you can't be nice to us." A cup hissed and Tom ran away. "HURRY, BOB!" Rosie and Stoooo were still in Spherebuster Video. "Hey, where's Tom? Oh, there he is. He's just being chased by a hundred and ten killer Cups with razor sharp teeth." "That's not something you see every day." The cats yelled for Rosie to come over to them, and they all ran to the darkest store in the mall... Hollisturd. Tom hid behind a "Malibu 1922" surfboard, Bob hid in a coat rack, and Rosie hid in a potted plant. They heard a creaking sound... the Cups had come in. "Sssshhh. We don't want them to see us." The cups told the employees that they wanted to go to the Fitting Rooms to try on a sweater that said "Hollisturd 1922". Somehow they all fit into the sweater. The lumpy sweater-wearing cups limped out of the Fitting Rooms. "Oh yeah, there are the cats!" Tom and the cats peeked out. The first Cup held up a laptop and yelled, "Goodbye Tom!" Click. Chapter 14 This Thread Made: 5/19 3:07:59 MoZoTruck: Hi... welcome to my thread!!!111!!! this thread is about which animal is your fave...... anyone is welcome...! AwesomeTom1: Hey... where am I? AaAaAAaaAaA! I'm trapped in the internet! LollyRoxs00: Who is this guy? Well, your avatar is Tom. Are you a fan? AwesomeTom1: I am Tom. Now where's Bob and Rosie? Tock_Tick: This dude is weird. AwesomeTom1: Seriously, you got to help me. I'm not lying. SWATDOGS22: Oh sure. Yeah. You're a blue cat. This site is Animal Crossing World. MoZoTruck: EVERYBODY QUIT SPAMMING!!! Squarefonso: Hey, what's going on? Froggamer70: Nothin', just this weird dude thinks he's Tom from Animal Crossing. OliveIsAwesome: Hey, the 10th member just joined!!!111!!! w00t! Someone new has joined Animal Crossing World. GoldTalkingCup10987654321: Hey guys! I like this place already! AwesomeTom1: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Chapter 15 Latest Post: 5/19 3:07:59 MeerkatHater606: dude its nothin just another user jeez AwesomeTom1: Trust me. No, it's not. No, it's not. MyNameIsRobertTheCat: Yo Tom! Where am I? AwesomeTom1: BOB! You're finally here! LollyRoxs00: Who does this guy think he is? SWATDOGS22: I dunno maybe Santa Claus. AwesomeTom1: No. I am Tom the cat. I am str-- GoldCup10987654321: I don't know what he is talking about. I just gotta find Trent. SquareFonso: Who the bubble gum is Trent? MoZoTruck: STOP SPAMMING OR ELSE I WILL REPORT! SWATDOGS22: Jeez. AwesomeTom1: Stalker Cup, who is this Trent dude? GoldCup10987654321: You may never know. LollyRoxs00: No really. Who is Trent? ResettiRules: I think this guy may actually be a crackpot. GoldCup10987654321: I AM NOT A CRACKPOT! I AM AN EVIL CUP BENT ON DESTROYING THE WORLD! AND SOON YOU WILL SEE WHO TRENT REALLY IS!!! Meerkathater606: jeez dont yell it hurts my ear drums Chapter 16 Latest Post: 5/29 3:50:43 AwesomeTom1: Lolly, meet me at McDonalds at 3 PM. We gotta find Trent. LollyRoxs00: Fine. We can crack this case. Is Bob coming. AwesomeTom1: Totally. *logs off* Later that night... Tom and Bob quickly ran towards the McDonalds. Tom tripped on an acorn. "OW!!!" yelled Tom. "Don't be a chicken." said Bob. "Now, where's Kristeena? Oh, there she is!" Tom walked up to the girl with a http://cdn.animalcrossingcommunity.com/images/emotes/emote_love.gif expression on his face. "MAN, that girl is PR33TY!" "Tom, stop talking in 1337. Let's talk to her." Kristeena walked up to Tom and exclaimed, "Wow! You guys are really AC cats! I thought you were lying!" Tom seemed hypnotized. "I'm going to get a burger." While Tom was getting his food, Bob and Kristeena were talking about Trent. "Who is this Tre--" Tom walked out with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his left ankle, sunglasses, and a Big Mac. Kristeena laughed. Chapter 17 Tom, Kristeena, and Bob walked to the car. Tom slowly inched closer to Kristeena, and squeezed her hand. Kristeena stared at him and kept walking. Finally, they got to the car. Bob was the driver, but he saw a mysterious figure in the car. It was a girl, with hair pulled back into a ponytail and glasses. Eating Chicken McNuggets. Bob quietly said, "Who the heck are you? Are you a stalker? Get ou--" She turned around and Bob fainted. Tom yelled, "Bob, you're being immature. Kristeena said the girl is Page Ann, her BFF. Now let's get movin'. We have a Trent to find." Bob asked Page Ann, "Can I sit in the front... with you?" Page Ann gave Bob a ;\ expression and chucked a McNugget at him. Bob got knocked out cold. Meanwhile, at the Cup's secret lair... The cup was pressing various buttons and typing with his various mechanical parts. "Oh my gosh!" screamed Cup. "Those foolish preteens and ther lover boy cats are almost here! They'll soon find out who Trent really is! Uh-oh." The cup hid under a blanket. Chapter 18 "Wow." muttered Kristeena as she looked at the Cup's secret lair. "Just wow." Tom looked at her lovingly and fell to the ground by an extra Chicken McNugget. He said, "Bob, you go with Page Ann and I'll go with... Kristeeeeennnnnaaaaaaa." Kristeena said, "Tom, why are you staring at me?" They went inside and the second Page Ann and Bob went in, they saw a bunch of chicken McNugget-throwing ROBOTS!!!!! "Man." said Bob as he clutched onto Page Ann's arm. "Pagey, are you scared?" Page Ann went into the corner and barfed, then threw another McNugget at Bob. Bob screamed like a small 5 year old and passed out. Meanwhile, Kristeena and Tom finally found the Cup. "Mwehehehe!" yelled the liquid-holder. "Here is my machine. Kristeena, come, come. Much to do, little time to do it." He put Kristeena in a glass case and smiled evilly."Now... you will turn evil in 5..." Tom gasped. "4..." A normal-looking guy with long brown hair and a guitar case came out. "3..." "Hey." said the guy. "I'm Trent." "2..." Tom glared at him and said, "So you're Trent." "1... GO!" A flash of light appeared. The cup grinned and said, "Now, Kristeena, come out. She will be evil!!!" Kristeena looked at Trent lovingly and said, "Hey Trenty-poo." Trent looked at Tom and said, "Isn't she supposed to be evil now/" Tom replied, "I dunno. It musta gone wrong or somethin'." Chapter 19 After they defeated the 'bots, Page Ann looked at Bob and said, "Man, it's way too quiet. We gotta go find them." Bob said dreamily, "Carry me." Page Ann looked disgusted and sprinted off. Meanwhile, Kristeena was smushing Trent in a corner. Trent said, "Um... Kris... what are you doing...?" Kristeena just stared at him. Page Ann and Bob ran into the room. "What--Cup? Why is Kristeena looking at that dude so dreamily?" Cup screamed, "STOP OVERUSING THE WORD DREAMILY!!! Sorry, I just got a bit mad. WHY DO YOU LIKE MY EVIL HENCHMAN TRENT???" Kristeena said, "Evil henchman!?!" and slapped Trent. "Owwww..." Cup said, "Well well, it looks like today is the final battle or whatever you call it--" Tom stepped on it, smushed it into pieces, and threw it into the river. "NO! YOU'LL PAY! YOU WILL PAY I TELL YOU!!!!!!!" Everybody laughed and headed to the car. Trent asked happily, "Can I come?" Kristeena yelled, "Go back to your own show!" and drove off. Trent said to the story-teller, "Wait a sec...12-year-olds can't drive! Who do you think you are, the queen of England?" Dude, deal with it. It's a comedy. Anything can happen. Trent mumbled something under his breath and began to stalk the girls and cats. Chapter 20 Trent crept to the doorbell and thought, Should I ring it? Or should I not? Trent rang the doorbell. A sweaty Kristeena opened it. "What do you want, stalker?" Trent just cried and ran away. Later... Tom, Bob, Kristeena, Page Ann and Rosie (who finally got over her fear) were having a feast. They clinked their cups together. "To Tom! Huzzah!" Tom made an expression that looked like this: ^_^ Suddenly, Kristeena hugged Tom. Tom fell to the floor with hearts in his eyes. At midnight... The cats were still up and playing Guitar Hero. Page Ann said to Bob, "You know, I feel like I've gotten to know you better." Bob turned into a puddle of purple water. Tom was flirting with Kristeena. He said, "Hey ba-bay, wanna go get some hot cocoa?" Kristeena stared at him. "You kno--" BANG! A meteor fell through the roof. Tom, Page Ann, Rosie, Kristeena and Bob stared at the roof with their mouths wide open. "Well, it looks like we better get working." said Bob. The End